She makes so many empty promises. I thought I could count on her to keep this one, though. I got a speaking part in it, and I’m only a sophomore. I got a supporting lead! It hurt that she didn’t make the effort to come. It also hurts when she tells me to shut up. When she cusses me out for some unknown reason. I just want things to be normal again. I want to be friends with her again, and not having to battle her all the time. I don’t think it’ll be that way ever again, though. It sucks.

Thanks for all of the advice. You’re a real good guy.

I’m very sorry to hear about your troubles. Unfortunately, I think you may be right about the relationship not returning to the way it was—at least, not anytime soon. For a relationship to be repaired, both parties need to be interested and invested in the repair, and it does not sound like your mother is willing to take that step.

This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. From your post, I suspect your mother is having other troubles that cause her to vent by lashing out at you. It’s completely unfair, but sadly, it’s not uncommon.

I’ve talked before about needing to move away from toxic influences, and it applies here as well. Your mother’s behavior is cruel and arbitrary, and will only continue to hurt you. I recommend doing what you can to avoid having to deal with it—focusing on your schoolwork and clubs (congratulations for your part in the play; a speaking role when you’re that young IS impressive!), spending time with friends. Take reasonable steps to avoid conflict, but be aware that for someone in a foul temper, you may be a target no matter what. And look toward the future; there’s a whole world of possibilities out there, and it’ll only be a few more years before you can dive in.

I’m sorry that I can’t do more to help; I’m always here for you to talk to. Good luck.

I am not currently married, no. I have not had the good fortune to find the one who I want to settle down with for the rest of my life. I’m in no hurry, though; the time will come when it comes, and in the meantime, I have a son to care for.

I have only dated a few ladies over the years, as I can be somewhat choosy when entering a relationship. They have generally been women of wit, grace, and good cheer, because those are the traits I find most admirable and romantic. Most of them ended on good terms for one reason or another. …The only exceptions would be some of the relationships I had in college; the less said about those, the better.

At the moment, there’s only one lady in my life, but we have the misfortune of living on opposite sides of the country. I’ve not seen her in some years, though we keep in touch by e-mail. I think I’ll be seeing her again before too long, though.

Hmm, that is unfortunate. To some extent, it depends on the nature of the job, and the terms of your employment; you’ll want to look up what the policy is about changing your hours. Unfortunately, in something like retail, the employer often has a lot of control over changing hours. While they rarely want to fire someone who’s already trained and not incompetent, the need for someone who can consistently be on hand can outweigh that concern, and there are always plenty of other applicants who might be able to fill the slot.

Worth noting is that many jobs require you to have “reliable transportation” to the place of employment—be it by foot, bike, car, or public transit. Having to get rides from others may not be terribly reliable, especially from friends who have their own concerns and events happening in their life.

I am not a lawyer, and thus can’t give you advice on what recourse you might have. I will say, though, that it might be wise for you to demonstrate how worthwhile you are as an employee by showing up as often as you can and remaining polite and agreeable. Your boss doesn’t know you from Adam at this point, and may see your unwillingness to come in early as a potential sign of laziness. If you can prove her wrong, though, she will probably be fine with giving you more time to prepare rides.

Good luck!

I believe that it is generally a good idea to perform breakups face-to-face, as long as you’re not afraid of things becoming violent. Any other means is simply too impersonal, too cold; they deserve to see your face and hear your voice when the news comes down.

You’ve already broken up with him, of course, so the face-to-face “Good-bye” is up to you. If you go through with it, you need to stick to your guns and stay broken up, and make it clear that you never plan to return to him. He will recover over time. He can promise to wait, but if you don’t give in to the pressure, nothing can come of it. Eventually his interest should fade and move elsewhere. His pain will feel eternal—for a few weeks, and then he’ll be fine.

Again, it is ultimately up to you. I would send him a message confirming that you’re over for good, but if you think a face-to-face conversation will help, then do what you feel is right. Hold fast, though, and don’t let any amount of pity sway you. A relationship based on pity is one that neither side should bother with.

Good luck!

That is a difficult situation you are in, and you have my sympathy.

I think that, for now, future relationships are perhaps not your greatest concern. It’s good that you’re looking toward the future. You won’t be with your parents forever, and whatever problems may result from your childhood, you need to move yourself into a position to cope with them and be a whole and healthy person despite them; any relationships will follow naturally from there. Look to your future, and set yourself on the path you want in life; focus on school, on extracurricular activities, on your job if you have one. I hate to warn people away from their own parents, but you’ll be out of the house soon enough, and it’d be a good idea to make sure that your departure is done on your terms.

I don’t know what you and your mother fight about, so I can’t offer too much insight there. I hate to discourage the fighting spirit of a young person, but for the sake of peace in the household and the good of your father’s heart, you may need to start swallowing your pride more often and bowing to her will to maintain peace. Pick your battles, and keep them few. It’s a terrible thing that you would have to do so, but life sometimes likes to kick us while we’re down.

I don’t know how much this will help; I hope it does. With all my heart, I wish you good luck.

Don’t hint, ask. Explain where you’re going and why you’d be more comfortable going with him than taking public transit by yourself, and ask him to do the favor for you. It may help if you pay for the gas money, and maybe food, so that it’s less of an imposition for him. The worse that he can say is “No”. And if he DOES say no, better that you know sooner than later so you can make other arrangements.

As for getting to know him better: Well, if you tell him how you feel about him, then this should likely be a given, shouldn’t it? I cannot supply the words for you, I’m afraid. Sometimes, it’s easier to to relay this sort of message by doing—by making an effort to spend more time with him, and talk to him. But you really should be honest with him about how you feel.

Good luck!

It’s possible that he needed to borrow your phone for a call (though the way he asked seems rather rude)—he might not have a phone, or his phone was out of power.

The best way to ask for his phone number is to… ask for his phone number. There really isn’t a trick here. “Hey, can I have your number? I want to be able to keep in touch about the project we were working on.” There’s nothing wrong with taking a direct approach; it certainly isn’t rude, if that’s what you’re worried about.

It is important to accept that people will not necessarily change on your say-so. However, that does not mean that you have to love, or even like all people equally.

You’ve given me a lot of negatives about this young man, and no positives. I’m sure he does have some good qualities to his character, or why else would you date him? But the focus on the negative seems indicative of your emotional state. It doesn’t sound like things are going well with him. These could just be the pains of adjustment to a new relationship, or they could be indicative of deeper troubles.

My recommendation is to look at his behavior, and your feelings for him, and think about why you wanted to date him and if those reasons still hold true. You should probably also talk to him about your feelings—he may not realize there is a problem, and communication is vital. If he’s unwilling to compromise, though, and if your list of reasons to continue dating him comes up shorter than the list of things driving you away, then it’s time to break it off. Not every relationship was meant to be, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to continue one that you aren’t enjoying.

Good luck!

Part 2 : His birthday is also coming up . I was thinking of getting him something. Do you think it would be a good idea? With him I’m myself and I’m comfortable around him. I don’t freak out and turn into a complete wreck like a normally would. I’m just the real me with him. A few days ago he found out that I didn’t have a way to transport to a different city for the summer for everyday and said that we will figure it out together. ( What could he mean?) I need advice on all this. (Plenty)

Why would you lose him as a friend if you told him your feelings? This is a common idea that we see on television, but I don’t think it has much traction in reality. Things might be awkward for a while if a confession is made and the feeling isn’t returned, but if both parties are willing to preserve the friendship, then there’s no reason it can’t survive.

On that note, I think you should have a good heart-to-heart with this young man about your feelings and his. The girl he was holding hands with may have been a family member, or simply a close friend; alternatively, he may have a girlfriend. You won’t know for sure unless you talk to him.

I see no problem with getting him a birthday present. It should likely be something relatively small, but still relevant to his interests—a book or game that he’s wanted, a piece of sports equipment, homemade food of one sort or another (most people like cookies). IF you can, try talking to him before his birthday; that way, the gift can be a romantic gesture or simply a gift of friendship, depending on the answer. (A gift may be a bad idea if he, say, wants time and space to decide for himself, though; it might be seen as pressuring him. That’s the only case I can think of where it’d be particularly untoward, though.)

As for transportation to the city: Does he need to go to the city too? It makes sense to find transportation together in that case. It could be friendly, it could be romantic, it could just be pragmatic.

The thrust of all this is that piecing together secondhand information from friends or trying to read the tea leaves of idle comments is a nerve-wracking and rather unhelpful method of dealing with a crush. Talk to him. Be honest with him. Trust that he will react maturely and honestly in return. Come what may, it’s the best (and possibly only) way to achieve closure on this matter.

Good luck!

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: “Talent” is almost entirely a myth. No artists, actors, or musicians have the skills of a professional based on talent alone. The way that every single one of them gained their skills is through work, and practice, and plugging away at what they loved. It takes 10,000 hours of experience to be called an “expert” at anything. Talent has nothing to do with it.

What does this mean for you? It means that you’re entirely capable of matching, if not exceeding the skills of the other students at your school. You just need to work at it. You are attending an art school for a reason—because you love making your art (if you don’t, it ma be time to consider a change in your education). If you keep working at it, your skills will inevitably improve. Others’ art can serve as inspiration, or to show you how to perform particularly difficult tricks, but others’ art shouldn’t hold you back. They got where they are through hours and hours of practice, and so can you. You have your own unique voice to present, different from your classmates’, which gives your art a beautiful quality of its own. Your art doesn’t take away from others’ work, nor should theirs take away from yours; after all, it’s not as though there’s a finite amount of art in the world.

In regard to the programs: What harm does it do to audition? The absolute worst-case scenario is that they say “No”, and however hard that word may be to hear, it’s not the end of the world. I suspect you’re underestimating the quality of your work, and formal oversight and critique can help you improve it. I hope you try again next year.

Please, don’t be discouraged. You’re not alone in your feelings. You’re better than you think you are, and will only grow better in time. Good luck!